In defense of "Mom Jeans"

"BUT I AM A MOM"

I like Mom jeans.  There, I’ve said it.  I like them.  They fit me and they don’t make me feel like I am trying to emulate a 15-year-old. 

If my daughter, who is 20 something hears my declaration she will probably disown me.  When, I ask you, did jeans that fail to show your butt crack become a badge of old fogey-ism? 

Admittedly, I did wear hip-huggers when I was in my teens. Of course my body was nubile and perfect and I weighed about 100 lbs. We are talking a pre-baby body here, after which no amount of Ab-workouts would, well, work out. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am in an ok weight range for my height and I am not obese.  Still those super low-rise jeans just give me the willies.  I mean the zipper can’t be more than a couple of inches, and then there is that amount of me with just no place to go.  And I just hate flab spill.

So give me my Mom jeans with their 6-inch zippers and buttons that actually meet at the waist.  No one will suspect when I put on my sweater or shirt that they rise up a little bit higher than my 20-year-old daughters.  I can keep my mom jeans in the closet (no pun intended) and no one will be the wiser.  And if my daughter does happen to find out my dirty little secret, I will just have to utter those five little, but truthful words…”But I am a MOM.”

The answer is right before your eyes

Sunset?

A drum roll please……ratatatatatatat.  Sorry I didn’t get to post this yesterday as promised, but today the wait it over!  Some of you did amazingly well at guessing what these photos were.  I can’t believe that someone actually got the nest.  I did stump everyone on image C though.  Funny how the most mundane things can appear to be anything but when digitally captured very close up.

A.     I met this little guy while walking the dog and his colors just jumped out at me.  He wasn’t a jumper, however, he just lumbered along.  Yes, I didn’t stump many on this one, an Eastern Box Turtle!

B.     This is the only real art in this group.  While on vacation in the Bahamas I visited Atlantis and this was one of the amazing giant glass sculptures hanging from the ceilings.  Close up it reminds me of well something that slithers.  J

C.     Bet I got you on this one.  While shopping in a local strip mall last summer after a rain, I encountered a giant… oil spot in the parking lot. 

D.    I can’t grow much but I did manage to grow some zinnias.  This bud must have been at least 6 feet tall.  I guess up close it does look a little scary like a meat eating plant.

E.     One morning sitting on my back deck steps was this little Robin’s nest.  Meticulously created, this home for four beautiful blue eggs brought a few more harbingers of spring into the world.

F.     Nothing, and I meant nothing is bluer than the Caribbean waters, as this photo shows.  I like to call it Bahama blue.

G.     Finally we come to the soul of my favorite animal.  I know this was an easy one.  It is the close up the eye of a… Horse.

Well, I hope you got them right.  The next time I will offer a prize for the one who gets them all.  That is, if you all are up for a challenge!  

J

What is it??

Ok, let’s play a little game of “What is it.”  I am one of those people who find and see art almost everywhere.  Life, for me, is just like walking through The National Gallery of Art.  So in consideration of that fact I have am posting some photos of “found” art.  It’s pretty, it’s colorful, but what in the world is it?  They are all photographs, un-retouched except for maybe some cropping.  I will offer a couple of hints.  One of them I pretty much stumbled upon, one is "real art" and one I ran into.  Some I found in nature and others I just found.  Any answers? How many can you identify? Answers…tomorrow.

Image A

Image B

Image C

Image D

Image E

image F

Image G

Easy kid’s craft, Felt Valentine heart pins

Valentine’s Day will soon be upon us and these instructions are very easy and come together quickly.  Supplies are inexpensive and readily available at any Craft store. You can make them in various sizes and wear them in groups or wear just one. This project is easy enough for kids but why leave all the fun to them? Make one two or a dozen in just a few short minutes and have everyone wearing their hearts on their sleeves...or lapels.  J

You will need:

Embossed red felt

White stiffened felt

Faux pearl beads, several small oval and a few small round

Tacky glue

Paper edger scissors (I used a scalloped shape)

Paper, pencil, scissors

Pin back

1.     Make the heart pattern.  Fold a piece of paper in half. (I used paper that was white on one side and printed on the other for demonstration purposes)  Estimate what size heart you would like and draw a half heart shape on the fold.  See photo.  Cut out.

2.     Open the piece of paper and make sure the heart is the size and shape you desire. Trim if necessary.  Refold the heart and put back on another area of  the fold and using it as a guide trace around ½ larger.  See photo.  Cut out.  You will have two heart patterns, one a bit larger than the other.

3.     Using the larger heart pattern, trace onto the stiffened white felt.  Cut out with paper edgers.

4.     Using the smaller heart pattern trace onto the embossed red felt and cut out with scissors.

5.     Spread some tacky glue onto the back of the smaller felt heart and attach to the larger white stiffened felt heart.  Make sure it is centered and leaves an even margin all around.

6.     Run a bead of tacky glue around the edge of the red heart and start to attach the oval faux pearls.  Glue the oval faux pearls all around.  You may have to attach a small round faux pearl at the top center and bottom point in order to connect the pearls.

 

7.     Glue on pin back and let dry.

You can make these hearts in several sizes, small, medium, large and they make wonderful little Valentine gifts for teachers, co-workers and friends. 

Note:  If you like these free craft instructions and would like to keep them coming on Wednesdays please leave comments, or follow this blog, thanks for your visit! 

J

More Air Art

I am just going to revisit a former post today with more photos.  These photos are from an earlier trip, over the mountains.  I love how they look from the air, but flying over mountains sometimes cause much more turbulence.  As I am sure Elvis would say, these photos are worth getting “All Shook up” over.

and some land shots...

Taking no chances on New Year's Day

Fireworks Pastel

I am not superstitious.  If you’ve read my old post about the fear of Friday the 13^th you can see where that got me, so I’m taking no chances when it comes to New Year’s Day.

To avert any bad things happening and bring good luck to your house there are certain things my mother taught me. (And she wasn’t that superstitious either)

1.     You must eat Black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day. 

2.     A man has to be the first one to enter the house on the first day of the New Year.

I remember mother recalling how her mother would slam the door on any female who happened to decide to visit on that first day of the year.  No explanation, just a firm slam.  Guess she figured if you are lucky enough to have two X chromosomes you should know this fact.  So I’m not taking any chances.  No visiting anyone today unless they call and tell me that and XY has already come and gone.

Being careful not to tempt fate, I made a male guest go out of the house and come back in again at 12:10 a.m. just to me safe. Now I don’t have to emulate my Grandmother’s inhospitality if a woman shows up unexpectedly.

Secondly, I have black-eyed peas ready to prepare.  I must admit it was pretty difficult to find those elusive beans.  I must not be the only one that is going through the motions, just to be safe. On New Year’s Eve, I rose early to bring back the food related luck and three stores later, I arrived home, triumphant.

A little research reveals that some people believe that during the Civil War Sherman’s troops stole all the crops but left the black-eyed peas believing them to be only fit for livestock.  My Grandmother, however, was a Greek immigrant and knew nothing of the American Civil war.  She always had her black-eyed peas.  Guess she wasn’t taking any chances either. 

HAPPY NEW LUCKY YEAR

J

Air Art

I admit it.  I am afraid to fly. Since I had always felt this way, I was a grown woman with a 10-year-old child before I ever got on a plane.  I realized that my fear of flying was pretty irrational and to face my fear I booked a three-hour flight to visit a friend several states away. 

I have to say my first experience was not the pleasant trip I had hoped it would be.  The plane shook like a maraca.   By the time we landed I was a frazzled mess.  My daughter, cool, calm and collected just laughed. When the time came to leave I seriously considered renting a car and driving back and just forgetting about my round trip ticket.  Considering it would be three days drive, I relented, and did get back on. If I am honest I have to admit the second flight was not as bad, still I was never getting on a plane again.  The years went by with no traveling further than that which would consume a tank of gas.

Then fate smiled, no she laughed right in my face.  I met my future husband and what do you think was his chosen career?  Avionics, in fact he worked for a major airline.  How is that for irony?  What’s even more ironic is the fact that if you work for an airline, then you and your immediate family can fly seats available absolutely free!

The years have passed and I am a frequent albeit sometimes uncomfortable flyer.  I have learned that when a plane shakes it does not mean that I need to get on my knees and start to pray.  I have learned that a thousand mile trip takes two hours by plane, which is the best of enticements.  And I have also learned that it is very comforting to have an aircraft mechanic sitting in the seat opposite you at all times.  No you can’t borrow him, but you can borrow my sage advice.  Relax.

Finally we come to what this post is really getting at, art.  You can find art in places that you would never imagine would contain art.  You just need to know where to look. 

Look out the window from thousands of feet off the ground.  Observe how the earth appears symmetrical and asymmetrical all at the same time.  Did man really do this, did he really build that, and could that little line be a river?   The earth toned colors of the ground rise and fall.  The pure white floating clouds hover just above.  Oh yes, look at the clouds.  In this place lives inspiration.  Here are sights you will never see from the front seat of that old Toyota.   So live, love, laugh and fly…

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!  WISHING YOU THE BEST IN THE COMING YEAR ;-)

Recycled Dog Bark Stopper to stop the dog from barking

Dog barking is normal.  I know that.  Excessive dog barking is just plain annoying.  My dog, Maddy is a barker, yapper you name it.  She barks when people come over, she barks when they leave and she sometimes barks just to hear herself bark.

What’s a person to do?  There is a simple solution to this dilemma.  It comes in the form of a regular old soda can.  Did I say soda can?  Yuppers, I sure did.   When you turn the can into a mini noisemaker and shake it whenever the barking becomes inappropriate, the barking will stop.

It seems that if you distract a dog’s attention to something other than the object that is causing him/her to bark, the noise becomes the focus and magically the barking stops.  I know, it sounds unbelievable but it really does work! 

I’ve had this can sitting in my foyer for ages and it kind of looks, well, tacky, so I figured why not spruce it up a bit.  So what follows are instructions for my recycled, redecorated dog bark stopper.

P.S.  With New Year’s Eve fast approaching the dog bark stopper also makes a great noise maker for partiers without dogs!

Be very careful while using a glue gun.  They are VERY hot! I do not recommend the use of a glue gun with small children.   I used a glue gun but you can also substitute tacky glue as a child’s project.

You will need:

One empty soda can, washed and dried

Eight or nine pennies

Duct tape

Felt in desired color (I used a mottled beige)

Scrap of darker brown felt

Pompoms (1, large beige, 2 medium beige, and one small black)

Wiggly eyes

9-inch scrap of ½” ribbon in desired color

scissors, pencil, ruler

Hot glue gun and glue sticks (or substitute tacky glue)

Put the pennies inside the can and tape the top with a couple of pieces of duct tape. 

Cut a piece of beige felt 9 inches by 5 inches. 

Place the can, top down on the rest of the beige felt and trace around.  Draw ear like shapes on each side of the circle you just traced.  Cut out.  Fold in half and trim the ears so that they are semi-symmetrical.  (It is not necessary to be exact)

Glue the 9” x 5” piece of felt around the can to cover. 

Glue the top only of the ears piece to the top of the can.

Glue a large pompom on top of head. (Top of can)

Make the face by gluing two medium pompoms halfway down the center of the can.  Make sure you line it up with the ears on each side. Glue the small black pompom in between the two medium ones to make the nose.

Cut two small oval pieces of the darker brown felt and glue above the muzzle.  Glue two wiggly eyes on top.  (Face made)

Glue a 9-inch scrap of ribbon around bottom to represent a collar.

Gift boxing day!

Winter arabian ACEO

Dear Department store,

I bought a gift this Christmas from your store and asked for a gift box so I could package and wrap it.  You gave me this flat box…not a top and a bottom, just a cardboard one-sie.

I took this contraption home and got ready to settle the innocent sweater into the section designated as the bottom.  (At least that is what I assumed was the bottom) I attempted to close the box but much like an angry transformer the attached top flattened out.  Whose idea of a joke was that?  I fiddled with it and finally got it to close with only a rip or two, even though the back had a mind of it’s own was bound and determined to reestablish it’s original flat shape.

When the holiday was but a pleasant memory, I decided I would save the box.  After all who doesn’t want to recycle and reuse? This was no ordinary box, however. Now that its shape was box-like it wanted to remain, box-like. 

I pulled and pushed, flattened and tore, but flat it would never again be.  Finally with one last impatient move, I ripped it to shreds. 

In retrospect, for the sake of my nerves, I should have gone to the wrapping paper section and just bought some gift boxes that are old fashioned enough to have a top AND a bottom. I guess you really do get what you pay for, and not get what you don’t!

The day after

Arabian in snow ACEO

Christmas has come and gone. Snow remains on the ground, which is a nice change.  It’s not too much, just enough to turn the grass white but not keep you holed up in the house for too long, a currier and Ives print.

The thing that Mr. Currier and Mr. Ives never pictured is the crowd of people standing in line to return a Christmas gift. Either the size would never fit or it just wouldn’t fit…the personality.

The dilemma is not to hurt anyone’s feelings.  I mean a husband who buys a sweater that is two sizes too small, is very flattering and kinda sweet.  Squeezing into said sweater to go to lunch with your girlfriends, well, that’s just suicide.

And even when the fit is technically correct, maybe the style is not exactly yours.  Who hasn’t at one time or another received one of those sweaters with buttons the size of dinner plates and little snowmen dancing down the front? 

Return etiquette and sensitivity dictates that we makeup good excuses to the giver of a non-fitting gift.  If they leave a gift receipt in the box you can surreptitiously take it back without them being the wiser if not, then excuses are necessary.

So my excuses go something like this:

“Oh my god, I love it, I feel so bad that it is just too large, I know it’s a Medium and that is what I usually wear but it must be very well made.”

“Oh my god, I love it, I feel so bad that it’s just too small.  Sizes are just so varied from one manufacturer to another.”

And for someone who asks if you’re happy with your gift:

“Oh yes, I love it, I wore it the other day and it’s in the laundry.”

“I am just devastated that my husband washed it in hot water with the towels and it shrunk terribly.”

If all else fails pull off one of those gigantic buttons and plead damage, then delegate it to the back of the closet till you get the chance to sew it back on.  Note:  You will never sew it back on.

Many happy returns,

Crystal