Super?

Faster than a speeding bullet, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, look up in the sky…I bet you thought I was going to say Superman didn’t you? Nope it’s not the guy in a cape and tights.  It happens to be the bane of my life, bamboo.

I kid you not; bamboo grows at least a foot a night. In a week it is as high as a 4-story building.  Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating a tad, but not by much. 

A few days ago, while my dear husband was at work and before I was sidelined by the worst cough and cold all year, I decided that I would cull out some of the bamboo that is taking over the back of my yard.  The wind knocked some extra long stalks on top of my kennel and was threatening to squash the heck out of it. 

Did you ever try and saw fresh bamboo?  Well, the problem is that bamboo is hollow and when you get your saw halfway through, it hits the hollow area and just stops there.  Then you have to hack and pull and wrench on it in an effort to get it to let go. The frustration peaks to a frenzied crescendo and you resort to beating at it with the nearest available tool, namely the saw. 

Hint…flailing saws are dangerous.  The saw sliced easily through my gloves and almost severed my thumb.  Did you know that what separates us hominids from the lower forms of animals happen to be our opposable thumbs?  Well, I almost demoted myself from that level of evolution by separating myself from my thumb.

So after several hours of frustration, band-aid runs, spider webs, aggravating dust from last year’s leaves, I emerged from my bamboo jungle, hair all askew and covered with various leaves and debris. Do you have a visual?  Frightful sight don’t you think?  In my wake lay stacks of sawed off pieces of bamboo. 

And since I’m not getting into making bamboo furniture anytime soon, husband dear will be taking a few trips to the local dump.  Sad to say there is still tons of bamboo growing at its nuclear rate of speed. I read somewhere that Giant pandas eat about 30 lbs. of bamboo a day.  Anyone know where I can borrow a panda for week or two?