Does it all go in the same place?

“It all goes in the same place.”

I know you’ve heard it before.  You sat there when you were five or six, arms folded with a determined look on your face and your lips pursed shut so tight you’d of thought it was cough medicine instead of dinner.  Your broccoli was dangerously encroaching upon your mashed potatoes and you wouldn't eat it no matter what. 

Then you went to school and you discovered the greatest invention since sliced bread—the divided dish.  Even though the food wasn’t exactly four-star fare, they sure knew how to feed a kid! It was so much better than building moats and canals around your food like you did at home.

I’ve grown up now and I’m not so worried anymore about food borders.  Although I still don’t like my spinach to get up close and personal with my meatloaf.  And after all I do have plenty of dishes and a dishwasher. 

What about you, is your food touchy feely or touch me not?

Lock out #2

I hate to disappoint all of you readers who had visions of me locked in a trashcan but unfortunately I must.  I know I’ve done some silly things in the past (and my husband swears he is going to write a book) but none of them include trash receptacles.

This is more of a fable then a story.  You see it has a moral and if you continue to read you will discover the moral to the story.

The squirrel and the safe

Crystal squirrel had worked very hard gathering acorns for months. She told her husband that she needed some time to relax.  So they decided to go to the beach.  Crystal squirrel got ready, packed her things and her reading glasses.  Husband squirrel always scolded her for not seeing the best acorns when she didn’t wear them, but they had a glare and she was always misplacing them.  Oh well, she took them anyway and grabbed her heavy purse, yes it was full and heavy but she really needed everything in there.  Crystal squirrel had an idea.  She took along a little purse with her so that she could keep her heavy stuff in the big one.  Then she could put a comb, some lip gloss, and one acorn in the little one.  That way she could leave her heavy purse in the tree-house hotel.

So Crystal squirrel put her heavy purse in the tree safe and set the numerical code.  She knew she would never forget the numbers because it was the date she married Husband squirrel.  ((Smile))

The squirrels had a great time at the beach and when evening rolled around they got very tired so they returned to the tree-house hotel.  Crystal squirrel went to the tree safe and punched in the numbers.  It didn’t open.  She punched them in again.  It still didn't open.  Husband squirrel tried and it didn’t open for him either.  So Crystal squirrel called the desk in the tree-house hotel but and they told her they had to call a squirrel locksmith. Oh no, they would have to wake him up from a sound sleep!

“Oh come on now you mean there is no way to open this safe.” Crystal whined?

“Nope.” Came the reply.  But you can try again in 25 minutes.  

She sat and watched the digital countdown ticking down the minutes feeling very foolish waiting for the moment when she could try the numbers again.

Her squirrelly asthma inhaler was in the purse and she needed it.  Husband squirrel (although usually very patient) was a little tired and bit cranky.  So when the 25 minutes ended he decided to try the numbers himself.  His idea was to punch the numbers NEAR the ones Crystal squirrel had punched.  He punched one number…nothing.  He punched another, still nothing.  He still had one more try so he punched a number right above the one Crystal Squirrel had supposedly punched, and….

IT OPENED.  Crystal had only thought she had punched those numbers because she didn’t have her reading glasses on!

The offender

The moral of the story:  WHEN SETTING A NUMERICAL CODE, WEAR YOUR READING GLASSES!

If you haven’t guessed already, I am that ditzy squirrel.  Honestly, my purse is really quite heavy.  And who would expect a hotel to not be able to open a digitally locked safe without the help of a locksmith?  Fortunately, the locksmith was able to get on with his snoring and alls well that ends well. 

If you would like to learn more about the black hole I call my usual purse…

http://charrisart.blogspot.com/2011/04/black-hole.html

It’s a lock out!

Locked trashcans

I just got back from a short beach vacation.  Did you know that on some beaches the boardwalk association locks the trashcans inside metal cages? And did you also know that when the cage door opens it is automatically spring loaded so when it closes you need a key to re-open it?

You may wonder why they lock them. Well, there are so many panhandlers that loiter around beach areas (and I’m not talking about the gulls) they lock the cans to keep them from going through the trash.  This solution works very well, unless of course some negligent trash man forgets to put a can back in and close the cage door.

While strolling the boardwalk we noticed police cars and fire engines and a crowd gathering around one of those cans.  We wondered and also hoped that there wasn’t any serious problem.  As we approached we saw him, the small boy who had seen the open cage and thought,

“This will make an ideal hiding place!” 

This time the fire department wasn’t getting a cat out of a tree, but a very red faced little boy out of a cage.

Lock out number two coming soon…and this one involved…you guessed it—Crystal (No I didn’t get in a trash can cage so stop your giggling)

You learn something new every day

Think cool thoughts

Derecho.  It's a term I've never heard of in all my life.  A derecho is described as a straight line wind storm with winds up to 150 miles per hour.  Ours was a mere 80 MPH.   I will be able to tell  my grandchildren who will not know what a derecho is of the five days of no power in blistering heat. I will talk of running a portable generator to save the food in the fridge and freezer only to let it all go after day 4 anyway. Linemen traveled from many states to help in the effort to fix all the outages and I feel for those who are STILL without power!  I'm no scientist and I don't know much about global warming, but I can tell you that it was never this hot when I was a kid!

Today is supposed to break all records, with heat and humidity making it feel like it is 114 degrees. (In the shade)

Derecho,

Please never visit me again.

Sincerely,
Crystal

Power!!

Finally after almost 5 days living as if it was 1812 instead of 2012 power has returned!

Wishing everyone a very happy Fourth of July!  Enjoy the fireworks, but as for me I will be watching them on Television from a air conditioned family room after a good home cooked meal, sipping a icy cold drink.

Are you power—full, or are you, like me, power--less?

Anyone wonder where I've been lately?  It’s going on the fourth day with no power.  I have developed a new respect for my ancestors who somehow, without power managed to live, love and work. 

The crazy but quick storm that whipped through the state of Virginia Friday night left a trail of power—less devastation. The real kicker is that on my street only 10 houses remain without power.  While I walk around with a candle like Martha Washington, the Washington family 3 doors down are enjoying air conditioning and home cooked meals. Now that is adding insult to injury.  We all know I’m not a fan of summer.  Heat and humidity drains me to the core.  Heat and humidity in excess of 100 degrees makes me very disagreeable, especially when there is no reprieve.

I shouldn’t complain.  We are one of the lucky ones who are in possession of a portable generator.  Yes, it sounds like it is about to explode but it does keep a fridge and freezer from turning its contents into a stinking mass of inedible garbage.  Ice is pretty much as valuable around here as gold.  Gas stations are running out of gas and since most traffic lights are out, driving anywhere turns into a game of chicken.

For those who are blessed with a power—full life this is what the other half is dealing with:

Getting dressed in the dark

No hair dryers, curling irons or other power based items of beatification.

Taking showers that freeze you to the core one second only to feel as if you need another one as soon as you step out. (Guess I should be glad I don’t have a well or I would be bathing in the creek.)

Foggy brain activity from lack of sleep--yes, I glued the nail caps I usually put on my cat to my own finger, and walked out of a Bob Evan’s bathroom with toilet paper attached to my shoes.

Feeling as if you live in Disney World since the lines are a mile long…only problem is there is no Jungle Cruise at the end of the line.

Sub-par restaurant breakfast, lunch and dinners

Internet wherever one can get it whenever one can get it

Candles are not just for mood lighting anymore

Burning need for coffee—and lots of it

Being lulled to a semi-fitful-sleep by the roar of portable generators

No room at the Inn

Ice is nice and no one has any

Hopefully although the power companies aren’t talking (and I am one of those annoying people who fruitlessly call every single day) they are admitting that everyone will be power—full by the weekend.

Keeping my fingers crossed, heck my eyes, my legs, anything I can cross. 

2-hour line to the landfill where one can dispose of debris and spoiled food