No, I’m not talking about an international fiction bestseller; I’m talking about me. You just can’t make this stuff up.
First let me explain a few things…
* I am allergic to bee stings.
* Somehow, even loving nature as I do, I have managed to avoid venomous stinging insects for many years.
* This year for some reason there are a lot of hornets around my house.
* At night if I turn on the porch light, they flock to it and my front door as if it were a magnet.
* There can be hundreds of hornets in a single nest
* Hornets emit a pheromone that alerts other hornets to a threat and signals an entire nest to attack.
So I don’t turn on the porch light. My husband doesn’t seem to get it and automatically turns it on at dusk. Last night before bed I got ready to take the dog out for one last bathroom break. My husband told me he was going to watch a little TV in bed and went upstairs. I opened the door and went out never noticing that the porch light was on. After doggy did her business, I started to go inside but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw that several hornets were congregating around my door. In fact it would be impossible to get by without disturbing them! Two of them were crawling around the storm doorframe and three were on the doormat. Heaven knows how I got past them when I went out!
Dilemma: I don’t kill bugs and even if I did, the thought of activating some pheromone that would set the whole nest on me made me cringe. Husband was happily watching TV upstairs. After years of working around jet engines he only has...so-so hearing. Get where I'm going with this yet?
I picked up a fallen tree branch and tried to push the doorbell, no luck. Then I spied the pooper-scooper, angled it and lined it up with the doorbell. I pushed, and it rang, and rang and rang. Husband dear, as I feared, was hearing nothing.!!! Fruitlessly, I waited for him to come down the stairs hoping I could shout at him through the storm door not to open it but to let me in through the garage.
A light bulb went off, no not the porch one. (For those of you who are not into cartoons it means an idea popped into my head) The garage had button codes for opening! The dog and I walked over to where the keypad should be...and what do you know.., no keypad! As I searched in the dark, I realized that the painters, who had been working during the day, had removed it in order to paint the trim!
The night was getting a bit chilly. Back to the front door I went…pooper-scooper in hand I rang some more. After a grueling 30 minutes or so of pooper-scooping the doorbell, husband wandered down the stairs. Thank god for that pooper-scooper! I yelled at him not to open the door but let me in from the garage. Confused, but cooperative he opened the garage. I guess you could say I was mad as a... hornet.
I wouldn’t have to spend the night on the lawn, curled up in the bushes with only an 11 lb. Jack Russell terrier to keep me warm. Hopefully the hornets will soon be gone with the cooler weather approaching. Today I am putting a post it note by the porch light switch…”do not turn on after 6 p.m.
And for those of you who will be visiting me soon I would forgo the doorbell and just knock.
I am entering this quick sketch of my nemesis in this week's Sunday Sketches so I'll see you there!
26 comments:
now that was an exciting evening,, I'll knock if I come,,
Oh dear, I am cringing just reading about it. Those beasties make me a lot of problems, too. Hope you get in ok tomorrow without having to brave such dangers! Valerie
nice job on recreating your nemesis! Glad you survived your adventure. I can understand your terror.
You really need to write a book!
Great sketch...sounds like that was one adventure last night...hopefully will not have to be repeated again! POP ART MINIS
Oh Crystal, I feel for you. I was attacked by hornets when I was around 5 y.o. They stung my foot and I have no memories for about the next year of my life. I give them a wide berth these days. Glad you made it in safely.
Great drawing of your nemesis! Love your story, the use of the pooper scopper made me smile Somebody needs to teach those hornets a lesson.
Who would think a pooper scooper could have other uses? Necessity...
Had me sitting on the edge of my wheely chair :D
Great story and sketch!
oh to be a fly in the corner when you got a hold of your husband! ha ha - a funny post despite your worry and anger, i love that you keep your sense of humor - i am so sorry you had to deal with that....i can only imagine the frustration...mine is going deaf, too !
love your hornet illo - so right on!
hope tonight is a better evening for you, my friend!!
Brave of you to draw your 'nemesis' ~ Great Story ~ great sketch ~ namaste, Carol ^_^ ~ Sunday Sketches
Crystal, I would love to have been there, watching you do all this! I know it's not funny, but I was laughing, sorry! You are a great story teller! You should write a book!
Fun anecdote and delightful Sketch! Happy Sunday, hope the hornets stay away!
Crystal, there's nothing worse than a bunch of hornets hanging around your door. I like the painting of your hornet much better.
Thank you for the laugh. You weave a great yarn...and draw beautifully too. Love your humor and how you always have such a great story to tell both in word and picture.
excellent
Oh that is quite a funny story, but I can well image your fear and frustration. I am glad it turned out alright.
P.s. Unscrew the light bulb for with murphies law, the post it will fall of with the drop in temp, the husband will not have on his spectacles or be he will be just husbandly :)
My nemesis also, Crystal, as I am allergic too. Funny, I never thought about them being in the city. I'm laughing with you (at at you). Ingenuity is a girl's best friend....An allergic girl's best friend. I must admit as much as I hate chemicals, I keep a can of wasp and hornet spray in my barn and by the front porch. They can have the rest of the world. love, Terah
Wow! What an adventure! The only thing that was missing was your bathrobe getting caught in the door on the way out (leaving you stranded in your birthday suit)! hee hee!
I'm so glad you made it back into the house sting-free!
xo
Kristin
p.s. I'll be sure to knock if I ever come for a visit ;)
I loved the story and the painting. I too am allergic to those pesky ctitters and have been pleagued with an astonishing number of them this year. I've avoided working in the herb garden because they have discoved my oregano and have moved right in and taking over. I'm waiting for cooler weather to see if they leave so I can harvest some of the herbs for drying.
Great sketch! You should send your husband to find the nest and destroy it. It is better to kill insects than for the insects to kill you.
What an ordeal! I did enjoy the story and the sketch to go along with it, however!
Good grief! What a dilema to be found in! Oy! Thanks for the tip and great sketch. :)
First, awesome sketch!!!
second OH MY HECK!!! I am allergic to bees too, and I ASSUMED that it meant all things that sting, wasps, yellow jackets,etc. Thank God you weren't bit! Did you not have you epi pen with you? since you were just taking out the dog I'm sure you didn't!! What story!
so glad you are OK!!!
xxDaniella
The bee is just like a real one!
oh I am not a fan of hornets....wasps....but bees on the other hand....they always have a place around here....love them!!!!
Oh my, what an ordeal! Glad you fianlly got in, without any stings. I was stung by a wasp, in the back of the neck, last summmer and it was the worst pain...ouch!
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