Thursday, April 14, 2011

Information overload




I have an infestation in my home.  No matter how many times I try to rid myself of this plague, the numbers continue to increase.  Do I have rodents, is it bugs, termites?  No, it is none of the above.  It is of a man-made nature. The man of whom I am speaking is none other than the man I married. 

Some people collect trinkets, some collect stamps, my husband collects magazines, maps and outdated travel guides.  For the life of him, he cannot bring himself to let go of even one National Geographic.  And you never know when you will be in desperate need of an old Consumer Reports. 

If you want a review on a 1994 Chevy you will find it.  It matters not that you will never uncover a 1994 Chevy, you will know how good—or bad it was.  And National Geographic has an awful lot of useful information, but after you’ve read what really killed King Tut, are you really going to revisit that again?  Don’t misunderstand me.  I like National Geographic.  I have been to their museum.  I watch their channel.  But hefty magazines with yellow covers are taking over the house.  I swear they are breeding. 

As for maps, you may think with GPS these days, who needs em?  Well, my husband informs me that real men, don’t use GPS, they just get lost with the help of outdated topographical road information.  They never get “lost” they simply find alternate routes.

He also loves his travel guides.  We once drove 55 miles to eat at a restaurant that closed in the 70’s.  The McDonalds that sat in its place was a delightful gourmet experience, however.

The solution is not an easy one.  It involves a bit of deception, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  We have a basket in the garage in which we put old newspapers (Fortunately he doesn’t have a problem getting rid of them) for recycling at the dump.  Every few days I slip a magazine or two between the newsprint.  If I am not discovered I figure I will have solved my infestation in a decade or two, providing he doesn’t subscribe to Boater’s world.  

13 comments:

craftattack said...

Hmm, would you like me to send your husband the old magazines I can't bear to throw away? It might solve my space problem! But I do know what you mean!! Hugs, Valerie

Heather said...

I am totally laughing!!!! I love this....my husband agrees, we are not allowed to get GPS in our cars, "Why do you need GPS, you have me...." he say! Love that you slip the mags between the papers! Brilliant!!! thanks for making me smile! have a great day - xo

maddyrose said...

I have found the solution to the paper problem at our house. I shred the paper and cook it until pulpy and then make it into paper mache clay. If you want to send some my way, no problem, or I could send you the recipe for pmc. Funny post by the way. Hugs

Carol Blackburn said...

Never fear, you have an unlimited supply of collage material. Take some pages and Gesso out a section and paint on it. I've seen this done on sheet music and it can be awesome. Now go thank your hubby for those magazines you are taking.
:) (big smile)

Jan said...

Crystal, you are so funny!!! I love Carol's idea too use "some pages" for your art. Two thumbs up Carol!!

Keep the posts coming Crystal...you brightened my day :)

Jan

art2cee2 said...

Thanks to all my arty friends for your suggestions. Alas, but dear hubby (I do love the guy magazines and all) would never agree to allowing me to cut, mash, mush, cook or in any way alter these revered items. I will just have to stick with the sneaky approach. I just hope he doesn't read my blog.

Julia Christie said...

Smiles!

Craftymoose Crafts said...

I think there is a little bit of that in my husband, too! I really enjoyed this very funny, but hitting oh so close to home post!

Judy Adamson said...

Oh dear, I have maps going back 30-40 years of places I don't suppose I'll ever go again - but they remind me of holidays I enjoyed...and you never know!

Re said...

You're funny... and your art is beautifilled! My husband has paycheck stubs from forever ago, old license plates from our own state...ugh, and won't admit that 1/2 of his part of the closet could go to better use. On the other hand, I am an old or unusual box freak, my clothes take up 3/4 of the closet, and I love quilts. But the candles around here would make your knees buckle if you had to carry all of them at once!

Magic Love Crow said...

Very funny Crystal! Have fun!!!

Wanda said...

HaHaHa ~~ Does he read your blog???

I have the same problem with old clothes my husband won't part with. I put a few at a time in with the rest of the things going to Goodwill.

Leovi said...

I since I have internet nocompro magazines or newspapers, for years, at least I have it solved that problem.

Related Posts with Thumbnails