I have an infestation in my home. No matter how many times I try to rid myself of this plague, the numbers continue to increase. Do I have rodents, is it bugs, termites? No, it is none of the above. It is of a man-made nature. The man of whom I am speaking is none other than the man I married.
Some people collect trinkets, some collect stamps, my husband collects magazines, maps and outdated travel guides. For the life of him, he cannot bring himself to let go of even one National Geographic. And you never know when you will be in desperate need of an old Consumer Reports.
If you want a review on a 1994 Chevy you will find it. It matters not that you will never uncover a 1994 Chevy, you will know how good—or bad it was. And National Geographic has an awful lot of useful information, but after you’ve read what really killed King Tut, are you really going to revisit that again? Don’t misunderstand me. I like National Geographic. I have been to their museum. I watch their channel. But hefty magazines with yellow covers are taking over the house. I swear they are breeding.
As for maps, you may think with GPS these days, who needs em? Well, my husband informs me that real men, don’t use GPS, they just get lost with the help of outdated topographical road information. They never get “lost” they simply find alternate routes.
He also loves his travel guides. We once drove 55 miles to eat at a restaurant that closed in the 70’s. The McDonalds that sat in its place was a delightful gourmet experience, however.
The solution is not an easy one. It involves a bit of deception, but desperate times call for desperate measures. We have a basket in the garage in which we put old newspapers (Fortunately he doesn’t have a problem getting rid of them) for recycling at the dump. Every few days I slip a magazine or two between the newsprint. If I am not discovered I figure I will have solved my infestation in a decade or two, providing he doesn’t subscribe to Boater’s world.